Transitions
Do you ever sit in the car for a while when you get to your destination? Just sitting with the car off, waiting for the magic moment to get out and start whatever is waiting for you? How about standing in the shower with the water running even though all of your hygiene routines are complete? You know it is time to get out, but you just need a few more minutes of warm water and soothing sensory input. These are small ways of marking transitions throughout your day.
The act of moving from the car to work or home life can be oddly overwhelming. There are more tasks to accomplish, or something to face that is giving you pause. Sitting in the car, looking out the window at the surroundings of your destination, allowing your song to finish, all of this plays an important role in moving your body and mind from the space and activities you were doing, to what comes next. Taking that extra few minutes of shower time to let the water soothe your nerves, helps you calm your mind and body to accomplish the last bit of getting ready for the day (or getting several someones ready for their days!)
Moving into a new space or new phase of life requires a mental and physical transition. Something we do with our community in trainings, workshops, and therapy sessions is mark the transition into the time and place we will be working. We may do a centering meditation or partner breathing exercise, perhaps a reading that sets the tone for the event. Whatever the format, there is a short period of time to adjust from where you were, to where you are going.
Small transitions happen many times per day often while we are processing larger transitions in our life. Establishing ways to transition is something you can apply in many situations big and small.
One of the difficult transitions in our house with small children is the time between waking and going to school, and then the transition back to home life after school and work. Most days it is a hustle bustle time full of little transitions that add up to big energy output; breakfast to brushing teeth, pajamas to clothes, house to seatbelts. These moments take extra patience, forethought, and care at times when these things maybe in short supply, and the little ones have a very different set of needs and priorities from the adults!
The days that we are able to give plenty of transition time, have a calm morning, with some joy, hugs, and conversation go much better, but of course it is impossible to have perfect conditions every day. If you are noticing you feel extra stress when you are about to go from work to home or into another phase of your day, it might be worth noting the times that these feelings are popping up, and beginning to establish a routine that allows you to transition your nervous system into the next space.
The same is true for bigger transitions.
When a big change is looming on the horizon, it can create feelings of anxiousness, uncertainty, and even fear. You may feel excited about the possibilities the change will bring, and at the same time sad about loosing the current dynamic.
There are so many transitions in our lives and relationships. Our romantic partnerships are often put to the test moving through phases of life together. We experience transitions in our physical being, our mental health, our physical ability, our family dynamics. Because we are able to grow and change throughout our lifetime, there is no shortage of transitions to manage and opportunities for growth because of them.
Perhaps you are moving your relationship from dating to marriage, or marriage to divorce. Maybe your kids are ready to be launched into their next phase and you will be experiencing life with an empty nest. Maybe your physical health is causing you to adapt your routines to accommodate your new reality in your body, or you and your partner are preparing for retirement. If you are facing a transition in your life that is causing you worry or concern, or is taking up a lot of mental energy, there are steps you can take to mark the occasion and help the process go more smoothly.
How can we help ourselves stay present and connected through our transitions?
Journaling
A great tool to integrate the new information in a transition is journaling. We use journaling often in our trainings and coaching because it helps you process your thoughts, emotions, and insights on paper. The act of writing something down, helps your brain let go of the need to remember or constantly work through the problems, and calms your nervous system. If your mind is racing about all of the to-dos or possible outcomes surrounding your transition, journaling will help you sort through the chaos and create some order to your thoughts. It can also help you to integrate new lessons, insights, and take-aways from an activity or interaction.
For example, you are starting a new job soon and are experiencing many emotions about what this will mean for your life. Maybe you are anxious about learning new skills, or how the new schedule will affect your current routine. The dynamics at a new job are different and it can take time to get comfortable. Without acknowledging your feelings of this transition, anxiety and stress can start to creep up on you. If you take the time to journal through the process, you can work through the thoughts and feelings that are in your head and look for solutions on paper. You will also have a nice record of your progress and accomplishments at the end.
There are a few ways to incorporate journaling into your process. You can freestyle journal, or you can use prompts.
Freestyle: If you are going to freestyle journal, you simply open a notebook! Or if you want to make the process feel more enjoyable, it can be nice to purchase a journal with nice binding and good paper that makes you look forward to writing!
You can start by dating the entry and then just write out anything that has been rattling around in your mind. It doesn’t have to be formatted. It can be a list of words that help you keep tabs on what is repeating in your mind, it can be sentences describing your day, or thoughts about the transition and how it is making you feel. If you want to get creative, you can turn your journaling about a topic into poetry or a story about how you think someone else might react to this situation.
Prompts: If you prefer to have some prompts to initiate the process and organize your thoughts, here are some examples:
This transition (my child graduating, getting married, moving) is bringing up feelings of…
My greatest fear is …
My greatest challenge right now is …
Something that brings me joy about this transition is …
One thing I can do that will help the transition is…
The thing I am grateful for in this transition is …
Journaling Short Cut: Voice Memo: If writing feels too much, or your thoughts are racing too quickly to write out, voice memos work as well. Grab your phone and ask your friendly phone assistant to take a note, or open your voice recording app and pour those racing thoughts out to your phone. You can use the voice recording option to step through the prompts as well.
Journaling is an incredible tool to connect your mind and emotions, and make tangible all of the thoughts you are having about a transition.
Transition With Your Body
Another important tool for handling transitions is connecting your body to the transition. Focusing on your breath will calm your mind , relieve stress, and help you get in touch with your body and your physical space. When moving from one space to another, try imagining yourself calmly entering the next space with relaxed shoulders and a relaxed face while you inhale and exhale. Allow your body to release tension. This is a great tool for quick transitions and to begin the process when dealing with those larger transitions.
Try it now: Inhale and exhale at a slow pace, concentrating on filling and emptying your lungs. Inhale for 1, 2, 3. Hold for 1,2,3. Exhale for 1,2,3. Hold for 1,2,3 and repeat. Imagine yourself moving into the next space. Imagine your shoulders and face relaxing and your mood following your calm and relaxed body. Release the tension in your eyebrows, your cheeks. Roll your shoulders. Inhale again for 1,2,3. Hold for 1,2,3. Exhale for 1,2,3. Hold for 1,2,3. Big inhale and exhale and release.
Visualizing
Taking time to visualize the transition ahead can prepare your mind for possible outcomes and help you manifest the results you desire. Start to picture how you want things to go. What challenges might lie ahead? How do you imagine yourself facing them? Visualize yourself supporting the transition. How are you taking care of yourself through this time? What are you doing? Thinking? Feeling? How are you behaving through the challenges of this process? What is your ultimate positive outcome?
Visualizing can get us ready for what is next and help us achieve greater levels of success in our tasks. Taking the time to visualize yourself achieving a successful outcome starts the process of solving any issues that arise in reality. Training that brain to be aware of the challenges so you can be prepared to handle them, and visualizing the solutions will help you come out the other side intact and with a whole new perspective.
Reach Out for Help
Here is your friendly reminder that you do not have to handle it all on your own! Big or stressful transitions are often too much to deal with alone. One of the best things you can do for yourself during a big transition is seek help. It can be in the form of a friend who lets you vent about your frustrations, it can be reaching out to family to help with caretaking duties, it can also be professional help. In our Imago network we have an excellent community of Therapists and Facilitators trained to help you work through big moments in life.
Our office is a great place to start the process. We can connect you to a therapist or facilitator in our practice or in your area.
If you are experiencing a transition in your relationship with your partner, Getting the Love You Want can help you learn about each other as you are now, and how your pasts have brought you to this moment. It will also help you plan for your future.
If you are looking for personal growth work, Keeping the Love You Find is an excellent workshop to explore the transitions in your own experience.
However you decide to get support, these big moments are much easier to handle with a little help.
With any transition, try to remember that there are some things you can control and prepare for, AND there are always going to be surprises and unknowns. If you can take care of yourself in little ways throughout the process, you will be better prepared to face the unexpected things when they arise. We humans love a routine, and when life tries to shake up our patterns it can make us feel really out of control. Taking the time to mark the moments of stress or concern and processing them with intentionality will help this new reality settle in and integrate it into your life.
Prepare, take care, and be willing to let go of expectations. Give yourself that extra minute in the car to enjoy your song. You can get through what comes next.
Looking for an Imago Therapist or Facilitator?
You can reach out to our office at office@imagogeorgia.com or visit the Imago Relationships North America site to search for an Imago practitioner in your area. https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com
