Is Your Relationship Built to Last?
By Bob Patterson, LPC, LMFT
In our 37 years together, Wendy and I have fantasized about purchasing an investment property. We had never actually placed an offer until a week ago. We were very impressed with the thoroughness of the “inspection” and the disclosure document that the seller provided during the process.
It turned out, that the disclosure statement was actually missing some important information, and in some cases did not accurately represent the property. The inspection revealed major problems with the house, and we ended up backing out of the deal.
In relationships, we remain very attached to our fantasies of romantic love, romance, and the “high” of infatuation. Don’t get me wrong, falling in love and having a relationship based on attraction is something we should all do, at least once. We can learn so much about ourselves, our desires, our vulnerabilities and our frustrations. All good.
But… I wonder, when we are ready to seriously deepen into a commitment, if an “inspection” would lead to greater appreciation, compassion, and even evaluation of whether or not the relationship has the competencies to be built to last.
When in the mate selection process, we often counsel folks to be aware of trying to be the “solution” to someone’s problems. It can be so seductive to step forward, be the heroine or hero, save the day, and wait for the sunset so we can walk into it. Would it be helpful to know that the guy has never been in a serious relationship and is a committed serial monogamist? Would it be helpful to know, that there is serious credit card debt? Would it be helpful to know, that the foundation has cracks in it? The knowledge certainly doesn’t have to lead to exterminating the relationship, yet being prepared for the inevitable power struggles and disconnect of the committed relationship can help us navigate the tempests or the doldrums that are coming.
We are imperfect human beings. We are committing ourselves to someone who is an imperfect human being. Therefore, our plans are imperfect as well. So, let us prepare by considering the expertise and advice of others who are not in the throws of the sexy neurotransmitters and the “ga ga” of romantic love.
The Getting the Love You Want Workshops and the Start Right, Stay Connected Workshops (and other relationship coaching experiences) can be illuminating and insightful for preparing ourselves for a relationship that will challenge our imperfections and often unrealistic expectations we have developed for our beloveds.
Inspections in relationship are not bad, just not very romantic. Having the information prepares us to make a great decision in our committed relationship that has a huge impact on our lives and the lives of others.
– Bob Patterson, LPC, LMFT
If you are interested in attending one of our relationship workshops, please contact our office at firstname.lastname@example.org or give us a call at 404-584-7500.
Our next Getting the Love You Want Couples Workshop is September 17-18, 2016.
To Register CLICK HERE
You can also find more information on our workshops at the following links:
- Our Fight About Walking February 26, 2020
- Opposing Views: The challenge of managing polarization in a conflicted world. September 26, 2019
- The three most powerful myth busting secrets men are learning from the Getting the Love You Want Workshop. June 17, 2019
- Cleaning Up My Side Of The Street August 28, 2018
- Dave’s Anxiety Help June 5, 2018