Insights From the Couples Weekend
By Allison Dragony
My husband and I were just moving in together when I first came to work with Bob and Wendy. My husband works most weekends and with all that we were doing renovating our house, it didn’t seem like the right time to do the workshop. Well, renovating became engagement, then wedding planning, then the first year of marriage, and ultimately the happy welcoming of our first child. It wasn’t until now, two years after our son’s arrival, and a pending move, that we finally made the workshop a priority. When the student is ready, the teacher will come.
We were ready.
So…what is it like to take Getting the Love You Want you ask? TRANSFORMATIVE!
We joke at the workshop, who is the “dragger” and who is the “dragee” My husband was the proud “dragee”. 🙂 Nothing like telling your partner you want to spend the weekend with your work family talking about your relationship! He knew exactly what he was in for, as did I (or so we thought!). We joked that most of the workshop would be spent discussing the cleaning habits of the other, and each of us felt we would be found right.
Sure enough, our very first Imago Dialogue was about cleaning…on both sides. Boy was it fun! We practiced the skill while getting frustrations we had been squabbling about for years off our chests. This is the beauty of this work. Seemingly small conversations about little irritations that I have avoided for years, or we have touched upon but never resolved, were settled and illuminated in a 30 minute dialogue. Yes, we dialogued for 30 minutes about hair in the tub and how we do laundry! Neither of us understood why it bothered the other, nor did we even notice we were doing it.
But after this dialogue, I was able to see the deeper meaning for Chris behind his frustration, and I was able to understand the deeper meaning behind my frustration. Of course the truth is almost always, it has nothing to do with the behavior. Sure, the behavior is annoying, but knowing WHY it bothers you is an incredibly productive realization. I am now keenly aware of trying not to create extra work for someone who works so hard for our family, and I will try to notice other things that I may do that create that reality for him. He has made an incredible effort to keep the hair out of the tub and show that sparkly tub and me how much he respects us!
After this dialogue was the first time in the workshop my husband used the word “transcend”. It became our theme for the weekend. You have to transcend your own ego and perspective to get to this incredible space of connection and growth. That is surprisingly easy to achieve with Imago. It is something so simple, yet it creates the most potential of anything I know to create a unified and better humanity.
Y’all. This brings us to lunch on the FIRST DAY!
I won’t go into the nitty gritty of the full two days, but this workshop was the best thing we could have done for our marriage and our personal growth. It is a TWO-DAY WORKSHOP and our hearts and souls grew three sizes.
My favorite part of my job coordinating the Getting the Love You Want workshop is watching the couples. The most incredible gift is to see a couple at the beginning of a workshop and then see them at the end. I’ve seen the pain and the longing, and the giving and the healing. Everyone that shows up to this workshop is taking a chance and putting themselves out there to make their lives better. It is a magical space that melts walls and awakens sleeping lovers.
We all carry around pain and try to protect ourselves from it. We all build walls around our hearts and minds, sometimes particularly with our spouse. When those walls are becoming too thick, and you don’t recognize the person you have made a life with, it is time for this workshop.
It will put you and your partner through an amazing journey. You will be challenged, you will have to put your own needs aside and also to the forefront, you will listen and learn more than you have in a very long time… if not ever. You will make connections to your past, and make goals for your future. It is not just a couples workshop, it is a life lesson. It is a way to become a better person. A more empathetic, trusting, and happier human and to raise little people who do this too. It is a way to change interactions with people you meet on the street, because you know all they want deep down is to be heard. That is all we want, to exist and to keep existing in a safe space. You will become a better person, a better partner, a better parent, a better family member, a better citizen. You will heal.
Post workshop, we are tired, we are open, we are a little raw, but most of all we are so excited about the prospect of a life together, where we can talk about little irritations and big irritations in the safest way possible. We have the tools to create the life we want, and it will spill over into how our little one sees the world. That is an incredible gift.
By Allison Dragony
To Register for a Getting the Love You Want Workshop, please Click Here
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